Love Shlongs

Dear Facebook, Thanks. Now every insignificant douche bag from my past can "reconnect" with me. Oh look! That guy I refused a BJ i...

XTREME XMAS

Dear Santa, I considered making a list, sure, unfortunately I never got around to it. Get off my back. I have a tight schedule. Can I risk d...

Stress Prince

Dear Guy, Don't look at me like I'm the dick. If you don't remember, YOU'RE the one who said I have "hamster hands,...

Family Ailbum

Dear Ruby Tuesday's, You and my Grandmother have the same taste. Dear 13yr Old Me, Joshua Jackson never asks you out. However, there...

Assistant Anger Manager

Frou Frou , Your name can't be Frou Frou , if your music sounds like doo doo . That is too similar... I made that connection like 3 m...

Goners, Boners, and Honers.

Dear Great Aunt Marion, Because you insisted that we only watch the Nostalgia Channel, I developed an unnaturally strong crush on Barnaby Jo...

For the Love of "Game"

Dear Bed Bugs, I like a group that perseveres. Dear Sex drive, Thanks for going away. I was wondering when I was going to get some work done...

Dinobody love me...

Dear GIGI, You just loooove chewing th e crotch out of my undies. I wish you wore undies, so you could feel how I feel, when I chew out yo...

The Whining

Dear Ghetto Girls of PG county, My only salvation from your angry fists was the ability to make jokes. I also let you play with my "whi...

A disregard for grammar and "feelings"

Dear Insomnia, You first struck in High school and I thought you were a passing phase, like marvel cards, or acne. But alas, I am 24 and sti...

Gain some insight

Dear Mom, I finally understand your thing with red wine. I too have a few glasses before bed nowadays. I didn't even need to have two ki...