INSTA' NT CHARMA

Dear Hips, You and I like a different type of man. Dear Heart, "Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom" not "AHHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHHH, AHH...

Tha Raturn

Dear Aaliyah (ft. Timbaland), I wish you hadn'ta left us, left us, without a dope beat to step to, s tep to, step to, step to. Dear Mom,...

Womynced Words

Dear Reader, If you want to know what it feels like to try and save a dying plant, buy a Malm from Ikea. Dear Fruit Flies, So you just disap...

California L'œuf

Dear All, The truth of California is hiding under Jason Mraz's fedora. Dear 1st Stick Shift Ever, Yeah, I feel so much more bad-ass now-...

Wrench Vogue

Dear The Wire, Of all the shows on television you were the scariest, and yet, the most true to life. Dear IHOP[E], As in: "I hope the ...

POUND

Dear Macrobiotic Diet, I hear you can bore Cancer to death. Dear 2-Week Sex Spell, After this I am less Tigress, and more lolcat. I can wear...

Bitter Fatter Wronger

Dear Facebook, You know that game where you get a pad of paper and make a list of all the people you've slept with? Thanks for generatin...

TRAINING FEELS

Dear Neighbor With Painted Toe Nails Dog, You know what they say about owners and their dogs.. they say, "Manicure a Spaniel, you'r...

S O Cess

Dear Therapist, These fun- lovin ' twenty-somethings that surround me don't bother me one bit; So content with getting hammered and ...

Up In The Ire

Dear Helpful New Yorker, Let's make sure we speak the same language first, ya? Dear Helpful New Yorker, When I say "I know where I ...

Ghostown With The Mostown

Dear Party Guests, Leave if you have mentioned -even once- that the Avocado pits keep guacamole from turning brown. Punch yourself in the fa...

See Medieval Hear Medieval Speak Medieval

Dear Chaucer, Thanks for helping me continue my trend of blaming yesteryear figures for my modern day problems. Dear Rite Aid, It IS too soo...

Wrecknicolor

Dear Next Door Margie, Look, I love impromptu conversations about houseplants as much as the next gal, but you can't just pop out of you...

Love Shlongs

Dear Facebook, Thanks. Now every insignificant douche bag from my past can "reconnect" with me. Oh look! That guy I refused a BJ i...

XTREME XMAS

Dear Santa, I considered making a list, sure, unfortunately I never got around to it. Get off my back. I have a tight schedule. Can I risk d...

Stress Prince

Dear Guy, Don't look at me like I'm the dick. If you don't remember, YOU'RE the one who said I have "hamster hands,...

Family Ailbum

Dear Ruby Tuesday's, You and my Grandmother have the same taste. Dear 13yr Old Me, Joshua Jackson never asks you out. However, there...

Assistant Anger Manager

Frou Frou , Your name can't be Frou Frou , if your music sounds like doo doo . That is too similar... I made that connection like 3 m...